I know I’ve been strangely silent on the blog-front lately. I just haven’t felt like writing. It’s pitiful really. I feel much like the Israelites wandering the wilderness. I always read that section of the Bible and think, “how did you end up there?” I mean, really? You saw the sea parted. You literally had mana from heaven. How did you end up wandering the wilderness?
Truth be told, it’s easy. It seems like Satan likes to attack when you’re most vulnerable-when you’re coming down from the mountaintop.
We’ve had so many hills and valleys over the last few years. It’s been glorious. It’s been gut-wrenching.
Four years ago today, (1/31/15) would have been Miss A’s due date had she not decided to arrive 7 weeks early.
Two years ago this month, would’ve been baby #3’s due date.
One year ago today, (1/31/18) I had a radical hysterectomy to remove and stop my cancer from spreading.
I don’t share this for pity. I share because this is my story. It’s full of joy it’s full of heartache. Would I change any of it?
Maybe.
But probably not the parts you might expect.
I share this because for so long I felt like we were on the mountaintop. I saw God at work in everything. Every. Little. Thing. I still do.
But over time, your human body grows weary. I’m tired. I’ve been tired for a very long time. My body has been beat upon in the last few years. It’s not cooperating. It gets frustrating. That tiredness is my wilderness. It’s distracted me from really seeing God at work over the last few months. I hate to admit that. I hate even more that I failed and let Satan win.
But what I really love is that we serve a God who is forgiving and loving and gracious. That in spite of me failing him daily, he loves me. Encourages me. Cares for me.
I love that he doesn’t leave me in the wilderness. But gives me the hope of the promised land.
“Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward. For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.”
Hebrews 10:35-36