It’s been 4 months since Arden has graced us with her tiny little presence. She is a happy, giggling baby who loves to sleep which I’m sure she gets from me. But she is quite particular as well which she definitely gets from her father. His voice resonates within every time I have her do something new. I’m sure her growl of protest is the same as his when I rearrange the living room, “Why do we have to change things”. It’s hard to believe that one year ago we we’re planning our life as soon to be “empty nesters”. I was thinking of tackling some things on my bucket list. And I will tell you, baby at 40 was not on there. The shock of it all has still not worn off. I sit here most days and think, wow. Just wow. All life is miraculous but sometimes the circumstances surrounding that life makes it seem even more so. I am amazed that this little girl is here and healthy and it I realize that the Lord is good even when circumstances are not. That is something that I had to remind myself of quite often during my pregnancy. Other than being exhausted, the first few weeks of my pregnancy was going well. At 10 weeks I had my first doctors’ appointment followed by an ultrasound. There in black and white was proof that it was not a tumor like I had jokingly been saying. In fact, the ultrasound tech confirmed that tumors don’t have heartbeats and move like that. That was July 9. Armed with our ultrasound pictures, we decided to tell the family that weekend. Let’s just say there were tears of joy and disbelief. I even think there was some talk of names (mostly by my father in law). The following Wednesday, Art and I were excited to leave for a little trip to Chicago and then we were on to a friend’s wedding. I was home packing and doing a few last minute things around the house when the first of our “scares” happened. I noticed that I was spotting. My first initial thought was please don’t let me be miscarrying. We had just told family and they were so happy that the thought of having to tell them I had miscarried was breaking my heart. I immediately went to the hospital. They did some blood work and sent me for an ultrasound. I was terrified. Because of the circumstances of the ultrasound I wasn’t allowed to see the screen. I just remember staring intently at this strangers face trying to decipher whether she would have good news or bad. She must have felt my glare and said, “well that’s a very strong heartbeat”. I don’t know if I’ve ever sighed a bigger sigh of relief. After talking to the doctor, he didn’t think that there was anything to be concerned with and sent me on my way. August rolled around and I was starting to feel less tired and I was even enjoying coffee again. (I am a huge coffee lover and for the first trimester I could not stand the taste of it) Then the second scare happened. Again I found myself at the hospital. And again, they determined things were looking good. I felt reassured after talking to my own doctor. He felt that it’s just something I do and unless the spotting is worse or accompanied with pain that I shouldn’t worry. September we were so excited to have our 20 week ultrasound. I was so excited to find out if we were having a boy or a girl. I know so many people like to be surprised, but we had enough of a surprise. And this momma was ready to shop. She confirmed that it was a girl and that everything with her looked fantastic. But she said that I had Placenta Previa. I talked to my doctor, who gave me a new title. I was officially now “high risk” and they wanted to send me to see a specialist for another ultrasound. I met with the specialist in the beginning of October. She confirmed that I did have Placenta Previa, but the way things were playing out that it would most likely become Vasa Previa. She said baby needed to get a little bigger so we needed to schedule another ultrasound in a few weeks at which time we would truly be able to confirm. I knew all about Placenta Previa, but had no idea about Vasa. She graciously sat with me for over an hour and answered my questions and explained all about Vasa and what I should expect. The blood vessels that feed the placenta and umbilical cord are left unprotected and dangling right over my cervix. And to add insult to injury, the umbilical cord which usually inserts towards the middle of the placenta had inserted on the edge. (Velamentous insertion is the fancy name for that). So what does all of that mean? It means that there is a very high chance that those vessels rupture. When and if they do, they have about 2-3 minutes to deliver before the baby would essentially bleed to death. There is also a huge risk that I could hemorrhage and depending on some other factors I could end up having to have a hysterectomy. She let me know that I would have to be hospitalized and the baby would be delivered by c-section no later than 34 weeks. Two more ultrasounds followed. I left that day afraid, numb and determined for two things to happen. The first was so insignificant but I wanted to make it thru both of my baby showers. The second is I wanted the strength to do what was required of me in the days ahead even if wasn’t the outcome we were hoping for. I will tell you I have never been more scared in my life. Even now as I write this, I have to fight back the flood of emotion. In those first few days, I tried to be brave for my husband but I would sob hysterically when he wasn’t around. I also prayed. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I prayed that we would have a strong, healthy baby. I prayed that if that was not God’s will, that I would have the strength to get thru that as well. Our final ultrasound was at 28 weeks. The date was November 14th. I had made it thru my first shower and the next one was the following day. Art and I met with the specialist who decided that we should be hospitalized the following Friday, November 21st. She apologized that I would end up missing Thanksgiving. I remember thinking how silly to be worried about something like that. It’s just a day. No one’s pumpkin pie is that good to risk the health of our baby. But we just joked that it was ok. It would be a stress free holiday. The next day was the second of two wonderful baby showers. I was overwhelmed by the time and detail that went into planning these days and amount of gifts that we had been given. I just stood in awe of the mound of goodies stacked in the dining room. (Stacked in the dining room because I couldn’t do stairs at this point or vacuum or lift or a multitude of other normal daily activities). That Sunday was my last church service until after the baby arrived. And that day Pastor referenced Ephesians 3 20 Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us. What powerful words. GOD IS ABLE
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