My fist self portrait on the day I heard cancer. I was pretty low that day and simply wanted to capture the emotion of that day.
I haven’t blogged in forever. Sometimes I feel like I only feel the need when something BIG is happening. I should change that. Because the fact of the matter is, something is always happening. Miss A growing by leaps and bounds. Mr. D is ready to get his first apartment. We have a roof over our head and food on the table. God is gracious and has supplied our needs for yet another day. That in itself, should be blog-worthy. Be that as it may, when big things happen, I find it almost therapeutic to write. And cancer is a big thing. BUT GOD IS BIGGER! I’m so thankful for proactive and caring doctors. But I’m truly thankful that God placed them in my life and gave them the talents he did.
Cancer. Hearing that word makes thought fly through your head. Terrifying thoughts. Terrible thoughts. Thoughts that make you cry for a moment or two. It did me. Then I came across John 11:4, “this sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby.” And there it is, folks. That’s how we can be content during trials. That’s how we can turn something viewed as horrible into something joyful. When our focus is on how this can bring glory to God, all those crazy thoughts and feelings melt away giving way to inexplainable peace. Does that mean that there is no emotion? Not at all! We are human. We were created with emotion. I cry. I worry. I stress at every needle poke or procedure. But only for a moment. I choose to not live in fear. Instead, I choose joy.
Joy. And laughter. And when all else fails, chocolate. But only in limited amounts, because it now gives me heartburn. This whole process is full of “new” adventures.
I’m now three weeks post-op, so I celebrated yesterday by getting a tattoo!!! Did you ever watch the tv show, “Friends”? There’s an episode where Phoebe decides to get a tattoo. But because of her fear of needles, she ends up with just a “blue dot”. She tells everyone that it’s “the earth as viewed from a great, great distance.” That’s my tattoo except I have 3 dots. And they are in preparation for radiation. They help line you up during treatment so the radiation hits the same spot every time. Not the most glamourous of designs, but it’s a tattoo nonetheless and I can scratch that off my bucket list. My surgery was successful. It did remove all the cancer. But due to the size and depth of my tumor, radiation is recommended to prevent recurrence. It is simply preventative. That was a key point that the doctor stressed. He also used words like “curable”. Cancer and curable seem like they don’t belong in the same sentence. But because there are ways to detect cancer in the early stages, those words are being used more and more frequently together. Challenges that I face daily:
Lifting. I am not allowed to lift anything over 10lbs for the next few months. Arden has learned to hold my hand or climb into my lap instead of me lifting her. But how does one change a diaper or help her go potty when out and about? Or cook a turkey? True story. Cooking seems like a pretty straightforward task until the turkey you want to throw in the oven exceeds your allowed weight limit. I tire easily. But am getting stronger every day. A week ago, it was a challenge for me to get out of the chair. Yesterday, I managed a short trip to Target. I felt like I got hit by a truck this morning, but…. That’s where I’m at. My brain says, “lets do something”. My body still disagrees.
I am having very few after surgery symptoms. I’m hot and then I’m freezing. Although, I was this way before surgery, the frequency has increased. My pants don’t fit, yet I’ve lost 5lbs. I can eat very few starchy-type foods-crackers, chocolate, potatoes and bread, all give me heartburn. I have yet to sleep in bed opting instead for the recliner. Most of that is that I’m a stomach sleeper. That can’t and won’t happen for a bit longer. I guess it’s the price you pay when your stomach now looks much like a tufted piece of furniture. All in all, we are all doing well. I’m doing my best to get things back to normal for all our sakes. It’s a slow process. With my improvement over the last week, Arden has settled down quite a bit. Her moods are better. The fits are less and less. She even let me go to the doctor yesterday with no issue. That’s a huge answer to prayer.
Thanks again for all the prayers, support, meals and cards!!!!! Every little action is such an encouragement.
Cancer. Hearing that word makes thought fly through your head. Terrifying thoughts. Terrible thoughts. Thoughts that make you cry for a moment or two. It did me. Then I came across John 11:4, “this sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby.” And there it is, folks. That’s how we can be content during trials. That’s how we can turn something viewed as horrible into something joyful. When our focus is on how this can bring glory to God, all those crazy thoughts and feelings melt away giving way to inexplainable peace. Does that mean that there is no emotion? Not at all! We are human. We were created with emotion. I cry. I worry. I stress at every needle poke or procedure. But only for a moment. I choose to not live in fear. Instead, I choose joy.
Joy. And laughter. And when all else fails, chocolate. But only in limited amounts, because it now gives me heartburn. This whole process is full of “new” adventures.
I’m now three weeks post-op, so I celebrated yesterday by getting a tattoo!!! Did you ever watch the tv show, “Friends”? There’s an episode where Phoebe decides to get a tattoo. But because of her fear of needles, she ends up with just a “blue dot”. She tells everyone that it’s “the earth as viewed from a great, great distance.” That’s my tattoo except I have 3 dots. And they are in preparation for radiation. They help line you up during treatment so the radiation hits the same spot every time. Not the most glamourous of designs, but it’s a tattoo nonetheless and I can scratch that off my bucket list. My surgery was successful. It did remove all the cancer. But due to the size and depth of my tumor, radiation is recommended to prevent recurrence. It is simply preventative. That was a key point that the doctor stressed. He also used words like “curable”. Cancer and curable seem like they don’t belong in the same sentence. But because there are ways to detect cancer in the early stages, those words are being used more and more frequently together. Challenges that I face daily:
Lifting. I am not allowed to lift anything over 10lbs for the next few months. Arden has learned to hold my hand or climb into my lap instead of me lifting her. But how does one change a diaper or help her go potty when out and about? Or cook a turkey? True story. Cooking seems like a pretty straightforward task until the turkey you want to throw in the oven exceeds your allowed weight limit. I tire easily. But am getting stronger every day. A week ago, it was a challenge for me to get out of the chair. Yesterday, I managed a short trip to Target. I felt like I got hit by a truck this morning, but…. That’s where I’m at. My brain says, “lets do something”. My body still disagrees.
I am having very few after surgery symptoms. I’m hot and then I’m freezing. Although, I was this way before surgery, the frequency has increased. My pants don’t fit, yet I’ve lost 5lbs. I can eat very few starchy-type foods-crackers, chocolate, potatoes and bread, all give me heartburn. I have yet to sleep in bed opting instead for the recliner. Most of that is that I’m a stomach sleeper. That can’t and won’t happen for a bit longer. I guess it’s the price you pay when your stomach now looks much like a tufted piece of furniture. All in all, we are all doing well. I’m doing my best to get things back to normal for all our sakes. It’s a slow process. With my improvement over the last week, Arden has settled down quite a bit. Her moods are better. The fits are less and less. She even let me go to the doctor yesterday with no issue. That’s a huge answer to prayer.
Thanks again for all the prayers, support, meals and cards!!!!! Every little action is such an encouragement.
X marks the spot. One of my 3 new tattooes. The dot in the center is the actual tattoo. The lines that make up the X is a Sharpie marker and will wash off eventually. The tattoo is permanent.